Sometimes the only thing that can make me feel like I’m not a walking bag of chaos is having my hair done. It can be something as simple as a wash and go, but knowing my crown is straight gives me the extra confidence I need, sometimes, to get shit done.

Up until my first semester of college, my hairstyle was pretty much ALWAYS the same–– microbraids. Seems like the easiest and most versatile way to go as a natural girl in her teens, right? Sure, when you have the confidence and the ability to explore other natural hairstyles. My microbraids were more like a mask I wore to hide the fact that I had absolutely no clue how to care for my natural hair. My crown belonged to everyone but me and that absolutely killed my confidence.

Insane, I know. Natural for 16 of 18 years of my life and not nary an idea on how to take care it. Why didn’t I just learn or ‘look it up on YouTube?’ Well, to be quite honest, that meant I had to run the risk of seeming even blacker than I already was (sidenote: I was the only black girl in my class all four years of high school). Even worse, I would run the risk of messing up and looking stupid at school. Sure I can look back now and think how silly that sounds, but when you’re 15 years old and you’re the only person of color in every classroom for every period of the day, it’s sometimes easier to just assimilate and stay quiet.